Suburb Shenanigans

Before I even begin, let me just say they need to make drive through ATM's shorter for midgets. My car was pulled up as CLOSE as possible and I still had to unbuckle my seat belt and lean out of the car just to press the buttons. WHY is life so difficult for little people?

Anyway, so I had a couple of gal pals visit the burbs this past weekend. While I think the OP (Orland Park) is a fairly typical middle America suburb, for some reason the freaks always come out of the wood works when Sara is around. Add Dev to the mix and the fun never stops.

Saturday started off swell - ate a little breakfast, went to the gym with Sar, stopped by my Uncle's for a beer, went hiking in a fab forest preserve (waterfall and everything), had another beer...you get the picture - work out, beer, work out, beer.

Oh, I forgot to mention I got lost twice driving in the neighboring suburb looking for a place where we could indulge in a boozy bev outside. Mind you the neighboring suburb is 5 minutes away. I almost stopped to ask for directions when I realized saying "I'm not from here, I'm from Homer Glen" would have drawn odd looks.

Soon after, Sar and I picked Dev up from the train station, had a lovely dinner and watched "Made of Honor" in attempt to pick up tips on 'how to talk to boys.' But really, we just learned several corny lines to use when in a tough spot, like being the maid of honor for your girl BFF and realizing you're in love with her. If you're a man. Very useful.

After learning 10 different ways to say I love you but not really, we turned off the film and went to the "happenin'" bar in OP - Sam McGuire's. Great live band, beer in buckets on special (you could even mix!) and three spots at the bar, we were set! And, one of my two suburb friends joined us - Joe Smith. Thank God because it was quite entertaining to have a guy's opinion of the shenanigans happening around us - especially Sara's texting love affair.

But I digress. Below please find three of my favorite people at the bar.

The Pink Lady - Pink lady because her nails were painted shocking pink, just like the shocking pink crayon you used to color with in grade school. Also, she was wearing what looked like should be a shirt as a dress, complete with the plastic bra straps poking out. One word comes to mind and that is skanky.trashy.i.forgot.my.pants.and.strapless.bra. Photo below for your pleasure.

Too Tan Sam. This girl was tanner then Sophia Loren at the Oscars and must have been watching "Big Love" recently because she was of the belief that it was A-OK to flirt with two guys, let them buy her drinks and then point at another ANGRY looking man 5 feet away and yell "That's my Boyfriend!!" Angry Boyfriend was standing with Angry Friend who already had a black eye, so clearly these things happen often. Photo below of That Girl.

Sylvester. Sadly I didn't capture a photo of Sylvester, he was too busy spitting on my shoulder. The Looney Toons like character found it best to order drink after drink directly over my right shoulder "Effin' (spit flys) Cherry (spit flys) vodka (spit flys)." Best part? He was That Girl's boyfriend.

Lastly I'd like to sum up tonight with a key learning. In case you've ever been over-served and are craving hard boiled eggs, be sure to stop by your local 7-11 to pick some up. Sara has proof they exist in tiny plastic packages.